Self-Talk and the Art of Bracing

Today is Thursday, and I'm already bracing myself for my weigh-in on Sunday. You see, I'm NOTORIOUS for retaining water when I change my workouts (like, I dunno, adding both running AND boxing in the same week?!). Logically, I understand what is happening in my body to cause the scale to stay the same or even go up following weeks like this one. You like how I'm preparing myself for the worst already? Mwahaha.

Now Mr. Scale and I are not really friends. We're closer to "frenemies," truth be told. He gives me valuable (although sometimes questionable) information, but retains the right to mock me whenever he sees fit. Yeah, there's a balanced relationship for ya. Anyway--I think he and I are fighting at the moment. He KNOWS when I'm retaining water from working out or from PMS (and Lordy, do I hold on to every drop for about a week, thanks), but does he tell me that? Oh, no! That would be too helpful!

</rant>

The way I see it, I'm doubly likely to see the scale go up rather than down this week, and not because I haven't maintained a hefty calorie deficit (because I totally have, even with a couple of higher calorie days). As long as I can keep going strong through next week to give my body time to adjust to my workouts and to recover from hormone mania, I should see a very nice downward plunge shortly thereafter. So I'm starting to mentally prepare myself now. And I'm also trying to focus on non-scale related feedback. For instance, my skin is looking tighter, my face is slimmer, and I can see some definition returning to the muscles in my legs. THOSE things do not lie to me like Mr. Scale does. He's mean.

It's almost Friday, ladies and gents!! *happy dance*

"We will pump *clap* you up!!"

Oh, I am so sore today. SOOOOOOOO sore!! You see, I raised my weights on Saturday and really worked my upper body. Feeeeeeeeeel the burn! Love it. Then, on Monday I started C25K again...and W1D1 kicked my proverbial butt. *ninja kick*

So my legs were sore right away. I have a rather wonky hip abductor on my left side, so I have to really stretch it AND ice it after I run to prevent inflammation. Fun stuff. To ice the, uh, cake, I decided to renew my heavy bag boxing workout yesterday. Yeah...I now hurt from my fingertips all the way to my toes. *sigh*

But it's so very worth it. Yes, I had to take a Bayer AM before my run this morning in order move enough to finish W1D2, but at least the run and subsequent stretching returned minimal flexibility to my body. I'm no Gumby this evening, but at least I'm not creaking like Dorothy's Tin Man. I really shouldn't complain; EVERY workout this week has been exhilarating. The weather here is beautiful--70s and clear blue skies--and being outside has done wonders for my soul. Plus, I really do love exercise, especially when I can push myself.

Endorphins are AWESOME!! *happy dance*

Remember how I mentioned earlier this week about how food was going to be a challenge? Oh, yeah. I was so right. Monday AND Tuesday I was a munching machine. Granted, there's only so much damage you can do without eating meat or dairy, but I still ate more than I normally do. I felt physically full after supper both days and I've come to really despise that feeling...makes me feel sluggish. Blech. Today was a vast improvement, however, so I'm looking to finish out the week without any more munchy madness. I can do it!! *fist pump*

Goals, Goals, and...Goalies? ;)

Well, folks...it's GOAL TIME!! And just in time for hockey season, too. Isn't that nice? I'm a big fan of celebrations and positive reinforcement and all that, so I've implemented a few reward systems to help me not only stay focused, but have some fun along the way, too. Bonus!

Method #1:

I like to try and repeat aspects of past mistakes that I actually completed successfully. For instance, a few years ago when I reached my lowest weight EVER (201.4...oh, to be there again!), I was rewarding myself with fresh flowers every Friday to celebrate a good week. I've decided to reinstate this tradition starting this Friday--assuming I have a good week, which I totally will. Yay!

Method #2:

I love hockey. I especially love Montreal Canadiens hockey. Sadly, my current weight is higher than the biggest player on the team, and he's 6'8!! *sad face* However, in a delightfully balanced turn of fate, my goal weight is lighter than the smallest player on the team, and he's 5'7!! So I made a chart of my favorite Habs by weight from heaviest to lightest and plan to check them off as I pass them! I'm so excited!

Method #3:

Utilizing a more traditional method for staying focused, I've broken down my ultimate goal of losing 100lbs into 10 mini goals, complete with prizes! I've not attached a timeframe to these individual goals, but I'd like to check one off every 4-6 weeks. I'm more than halfway to the first one!! Woot!!

Mini goal #1: 250lbs - New pair of fabulous earrings

Mini goal #2: 240lbs - Montreal Canadiens charm (for a long silver chain I have already)

Mini goal #3: 230lbs - Spa Day (at home)

Mini goal #4: 220lbs - New dress

Mini goal #5: 210lbs - New running shoes

Mini goal #6: 200lbs - ACE personal training materials

Mini goal #7: 190lbs - Writing Day (at home or coffee shop)

Mini goal #8: 180lbs - New workout clothes and running shoes

Mini goal #9: 170lbs - Professional massage

Mini goal #10: 160lbs - GOAL!!!!! Oh, I have SO MANY things planned for when I get to my goal weight (clothes, anyone?!), but the most tangible  one is I'd like to get second holes pierced in both of my ears to remind me of how far I've come.

Whew! Sounds like a plan, right? I figure this way I'll be succeeding on one level or another all the time, which is very good for my poor little heart.

Week #2: A Review

The Good: Ummmm...well, I ate well every day. And I lost 2.2lbs!!

The Bad: Only logged FOUR workouts this week. I got some kind of food poisoning or sulfite reaction or something from a salad I ordered Thursday night. I was knocked for a terrible loop that lasted through the weekend: stomach cramps, nausea, upset stomach...ick. That salad was so totally NOT worth it, too. Meh. I still didn't get enough sleep, and my whole routine was pretty out of balance this week.

I'm pleased with my weight loss, to be sure, but I need to be finding more balance in my life overall. This upcoming week will be more difficult in terms of HOW MUCH I eat, due to hormones making me feel hungrier. I aim to strike a balance between listening to my body and still maintaining a good caloric deficit. My goal is to drop another 2lbs this week. *fingers crossed*

Sorry this post is so short!

Mid-week Musings...

Introspective to a fault, I continue to try to better understand why every little thing about the weight loss process feels different this time around. I mean, I realize I'm in a different place, but I've been dieting and exercising to change my body for 15 years!! I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Every day I wake up and I'm ready to move. I missed one workout last week, but it wasn't because my motivation failed or I gave in to sleeping in instead. I missed it because my mom needed me to go with her to an unexpected meeting. I couldn't make it up in the evening because I already had plans in place. The biggest difference, however, was that I didn't get upset about it. I was not angry at what I couldn't control and I didn't kill myself in my Saturday workout to somehow "make up" for it. I stuck with my routine and continued on. I'm so proud of myself for that! Anyone who has ever struggled with exercise addiction understands how it becomes a compulsion...both your greatest desire and your most despised enemy. Right now I'm enjoying how my body feels when I move it, no strings attached! :D

I think when it comes down to it, the most significant change has to do with my body image and self-esteem. In the past, I was driven by a NEED to look different. I was miserable with how I looked and how I believed the world perceived me as a result. I couldn't stand being heavy and felt a sense of desperation about every part of losing weight. Therefore eating well and exercising became very closely tied to how I was doing emotionally, which contributed to the whole binge and purge cycle I got stuck in for a while. I really hated myself for a long time. I knew I was gifted at some things, but all my assets were, in my eyes, trumped by my weight. I couldn't see anything else. Even while I was outspoken about never judging someone based on their looks alone, I not only judged myself that way but also expected everyone else to do so, as well. I may not have been entirely wrong about being judged for my appearance (of COURSE it factors in), but I was definitely off in my assumptions that all their hypothetical judgments would be entirely negative!!

I find it very difficult to even type the words because the newness of my fresh perspective feels raw, but I want to record my thoughts. As I've grown more comfortable with my body and come to see beauty in myself (I have to credit my friend KH and veganism with this shift, but I'll write more on that in a later entry), I've begun to notice some things. Not only do I view myself differently now, it turns out I was wrong about others see me, too. While blinded by my own view of myself, I failed to see that many of the people I interact with completely disagree with my former very harsh opinion of my physical appearance! It's true...shocking, right? While everyone has different tastes and the level of appreciation (hehe) I receive differs from person to person...people treat me like I'm pretty. It may seem shallow--and perhaps it really is--but realizing that there are men in my life every day that think I'm attractive has been EARTH-SHATTERING for me. I'm still kinda reeling, actually. I know in the big picture this realization is a small thing, but it's been huge to me...and I think it plays a big part in why I feel so differently about weight loss this time around.  Go figure. More later.

Week #1: A Review

Okay, folks...we've arrived at the end of week one!! Let's take a look back and see how I did, shall we?

The Good: I logged FIVE workouts this week, three of which were serious dance training sessions that left me red-faced and sweaty, but grinning ear-to-ear. Yay! I ate well and lightly for most of the week, and my water consumption was right where I wanted it to be. Also, I lost 3lbs!!! Hurray!!

The Bad: I had scheduled SIX workouts, but missed Friday's. No missed workouts next week!! My eating was a touch heavy on Friday and Saturday...I only ate good foods, but at the end of the day felt like I had eaten more than on previous days. So improved food awareness for next week, as well. Finally, I was short on sleep most days this week, so my other goal for next week is to get to bed on time. Sleep is very important!!

All in all, I'm pleased with how this week went; I wasn't riding some huge motivational or emotional wave...I really just followed my plan and enjoyed my time. Not bad at all. And 3lbs is TREMENDOUS!! *happy dance*

So here's to another great week coming up!

Side note: NHL preseason games start TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!! :D I'm only a teensy bit excited. Really. ;)

In case you haven't heard, Thursdays are the most evil days of every week. They drain your energy and make it impossible for you to think clearly  or use good judgment. If, that is, you aren't prepared for them.

The days of the week are as follows:

Monday: Everybody dogs on Mondays, but that's usually their own faults for having stayed up too late on Sunday nights. In reality, Mondays are often not too bad, because you've filled up your fun tank over the weekend and the memories should sustain you for the first day of the work week. You might even remember why you liked your job in the first place on Monday.

Tuesday: Arguably Thursday's nasty little brother, Tuesdays can have serious attitude. The fun high you rode the day before has crashed, and the work week still looks dreadfully long. I recommend having a special playlist of fantastic music especially designed to distract you from the fact that it is Tuesday.

Wednesday: It's Hump Day! The first half of the week is over, and it's all downhill from here. Making it to the weekend now looks like a manageable feat. Also, cue awkward double entendre jokes with not-so-subtle coworkers. Wednesdays can be fun!

Thursday: Ugh. Yuck. Nasty. Thursdays are the WORST. Think about it. By the time Thursday rolls around, you are ready for the weekend. Work demands can be especially heavy on Thursdays (my friends in the medical field say this is especially true in hospitals and crisis clinics) as mental fatigue worsens judgment, causing careless mistakes that must be corrected AND/OR people who haven't done their work all week try to cram it into one day by dumping some on you. Develop a "Thursday bubble" and stay inside it!! Thursdays are also terrible because they taunt you with their almost-Friday-ness. You are tired enough for it to be Friday, but it's not. Oh, no. It's THURSDAY.

Friday: Fridays are AWESOME!! Try not to get too excited, but the moment the work day ends the weekend begins!! Woohoo!! *happy dance*

So how do we survive the dreaded Thursday? I have a few tricks that have worked for me over the years. As with Tuesdays, if you are allowed to listen to music at work (I'm not, but I keep my iPod with me for my breaks), I highly recommend making a playlist of survival music that keeps your determination high and prevents you from bottoming out. Friday will follow if we can just keep breathing through Thursday. I also move my early morning workouts to after work on Thursdays and reserve my all-time favorites for this day. That way, I get a little extra sleep AND have something fun and distracting to look forward to on Thursdays. Packing an extra tasty lunch and using your lunch break to read a great book helps, too (doing this every day might avoid the Thursday dip altogether, but start with baby steps).

Good luck with surviving your own almost-Friday-ness! We can make it!!

"Water, water, everywhere..."

I really love water. I do. I carry a pink 32oz Nalgene bottle with me everywhere I go. My brothers always tell people I have a drinking problem! :) Other than unsweetened tea and the occasional (VERY occasional) coffee or juice, water is really all I drink. If I were a poet, I think I would write verses about water. In fact, writing this little paragraph about water has made me thirsty. Ah, so good. Fortunately, water is vital, necessary, and downright beneficial to my body...and no, I'm not drowning myself: I'm more of a constant sipper than a binging gulper. True story.

So lately I've been experimenting with my water. Plain old ice water is my favorite, but every now and then I like to spruce it up. Today, for instance, I added a couple of key lime slices to my bottle before heading to work. Very nice. A couple of days ago I added a drop or two of peppermint extract. The minty flavor was especially helpful when the late afternoon munchies kicked in. Nothing snacky goes particularly well with peppermint, you know? Except for chocolate, of course, but fortunately I didn't have any around!

I've also tried fresh strawberry slices, cucumber (I blame The Other Guys for that experiment), and oranges. Plain is still the best, though. :)

In other news, today was a good day! I really, really, REALLY didn't want to work out, but I did it!! Woo hoo!! I couldn't walk outside today, so I danced for an hour instead. Yup, a whole hour. Oh, how I love to dance!! I've decided I need to learn all the choreography from my favorite musicals, starting with the ones I actually own, like Hairspray. I wish Mamma Mia! had more real dance sequences, but I'm sure I could come up with a few of my own! Hmmm...

Side note: Hockey preseason games begin a week from today!! HOORAH!!! Oh, man...I'm so excited. MAJOR hockey fan over here! Prepare to be bombarded with hockey rants on a regular basis. :D

Well, I think that does it. Exercise was good. Food was good (I made homemade oat mini loaves to go with our vegetable barley soup for supper. Delicious!). Need more sleep.

Monday, Monday, Monday...

The weather was so beautiful today! After an absolutely blistering summer (with the heat index over 105 degrees every day for weeks on end), 90 degrees feels almost cool. :) I took my workout time outside this morning, hitting the pavement early enough to enjoy a pleasant 75 degrees. Ahhhhhh! Although I'm very eager to get back into running, I stuck to walking for today. I figure two weeks of walking to get my body used to the impact again and I'll be ready to start the c25k program once more. I really miss that runner's high, you know? Soon, soon.

Getting enough exercise will be my primary focus in terms of losing weight, especially initially. Since I'm vegan, I don't plan on counting calories right away. I've gotten myself into quite a mess that way before, and I definitely don't want to be counting every morsel that goes into my mouth for the rest of my life. For now, I'll be focusing mainly on choosing foods that are high in nutritional value, paying careful attention to portion sizes, and eating only what my body really needs. I enjoy cooking and love eating good food, and this method should allow me to lose weight without denying that side of my personality. 

For example, I am almost giddy over the absolutely delicious supper I cooked tonight. Oh. My. Goodness. I had sauteed asparagus, whole wheat couscous, kidney beans, and kale. AAAAAAAAAAAAmazing, let me tell you! I cooked the asparagus in a little olive oil with fresh cilantro, key lime juice, and just a dash of salt. Mmmmm mmmm mmm! The couscous got the cilantro treatment as well, which went nicely with the cajun red beans. And the kale?! I think I've found a new favorite dish. As you may or may not know, getting enough iron can be a tricky thing when you don't consume any animal products, and kale is an awesome source of the mineral. However, dark green leafy vegetables can be a challenge (at least for me) to fit into everyday cuisine outside of the salad bowl or beans 'n' greens. Enter Kale Chips. Yum! If you toss four cups of torn kale in about a teaspoon of olive oil, sprinkle it with garlic powder, salt, and freshly ground pepper, then transfer it to a baking sheet in a 400 degree oven for 10-15 minutes IT GETS CRISPY!! No joke. Light and crunchy goodness. You should try it.

Okay, folks, I'm beat. One more load of laundry, and I'm hitting the sack. I gots to get my beauty sleep, you know. ;)

The Beginning...Again. :)

I feel as though I've lived this day a thousand times (or more!) since I was about 11 years old or so. You know the day I'm talking about...the ever-mystical Beginning. The Beginning of the rest of my life no longer overweight or tired or procrastinating or lonely or hungry or angry or unfulfilled or fill in the blank. Whatever. I've been here before, and chances are you have, too. Some of my Beginnings have been more successful than others, for sure!

So what makes today any different than the thousands that have gone before? I do.:) I'm ready now. You see, I'm coming off a long break from dieting and regular exercise. It might sound counter-intuitive, but I needed the distance from my previous weight loss patterns in order to gain some perspective. During the almost two years since I graduated from college in December 2008, I've been focusing on the inside stuff. Ever since I first started trying to change the way I look, I've gotten myself into all kinds of messes. Eventually, I suffered through a wide variety of unhealthy disorders/addictions/relationships with food, working out, and my body, and I needed to address those issues on the inside before I was really ready to make changes that would impact my outside.

So today I begin again, but this time it's different. This time I'm not a girl desperate to be someone else or someone who's looking for a new outer image to solve all of life's problems. Today I am a 25 year old writer who is rapidly approaching the completion of her first novel,I am a single woman who is finally open to meeting someone new, and I am a fledgeling vegan who no longer hates herself for loving good food.  And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a Beginning I can really sink my teeth into!